Humanly Trying Not to be Disappointed...

Okay, trying isn't getting me much of anywhere.  I'm disappointed.  My fears are overwhelming in this adoption journey, and our meeting with the birthmom, K, and her mom, S, didn't help much yesterday.  Because of some things that S mentioned, we are afraid K won't go through with the adoption in the end, and it's hard to not get attached to that little one growing inside K!  They said she could go into labour any day now (which is both exciting and scary!) 

We asked K if we could use her middle name as the baby's middle name.  She was fine with that.  Once S finally realized what we were asking, she was tickled with that idea.  It's a nice name.  But, what K is concerned with is the last name.  She doesn't realize that once her baby is placed, she'll take the last name of the family adopting her.  She wants the baby to have her last name.  This was only one of the naive assumptions we were made aware of yesterday.  I can't even think of others right now, but I am discouraged by most of it.

I have to call the adoption agency tomorrow to ask them to speak more clearly about things with K.  To find out her expectations, beliefs, etc. and to set her straight on some of the realities.  I'm nervous about that, too.  I want to write a letter to the baby (for later years), but my emotions are kinda whacked, and I think I'm afraid it will set me up for more disappointment.  We'll see.

I have to rely on God's Word during these times, even though it's hard to focus on it:  Jeremiah 29:11~ "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future."  That has been one of my "life verses" for years, along with some others.  I think I'm going to have to delve into them in the morning to set my heart & mind at ease.

K & S asked if we would meet them again before the childbirth, and I'm rather hesitant, to be honest.  It took a lot of planning & anxiety to make this last meeting work out, and I'm afraid of how vulnerable I'm going to feel any closer to the actual date.

Okay, morning tasks: coffee & focus on Jer. 29:11,  Zephaniah 3:17, etc...