Continuing down the road...

My eyebrow twitched for most of the day today.  Usually my eye takes that role, but for some reason (lack of sleep and no lack of anxiety), my eyebrow decided to take over.  It felt weird.


Two things were causing particular anxiety.  Two nights ago, I bit off all my nails as a result: this morning I had a counseling session with my step-daughter, and I didn't know what to expect.  Right afterward, Greg and I had to go to Indianapolis for an uncomfortable meeting with the Adoption Center, and I didn't know what to expect.  Of course, my mind was making up all kinds of different "worst case scenarios" that caused 75% of my angst!


Surprisingly, the counseling session went well.  I LOVE my counselor, who carried the conversation with appropriate questions and encouraging comments.  My step-daughter suggested she attend a session with me, in order to "reconcile" our relationship.  I had my doubts, my fears, my anxieties, my defenses...and for the most part, they all have subsided.  I was thankful for my counselor as well as for my step-daughter's openness to growth and maturity.  I think it moved our relationship onto healing ground, and I am thankful! ♥


Greg and I had an appointment to meet with the director of the Adoption Center, so we could discuss the failed adoption and our pain from feeling neglected that weekend.  We had told her about the whole weekend already, so she would be prepared to respond to us.  She had to leave in an emergency with her mom, so she asked the assistant director to take her place.  I was actually quite relieved when we found out that's with whom we would be processing our "junk."


Greg spoke much more than I thought he would at our appointment.  I liked what he had to say because I could tell that he felt very protective of us, of me, and of the baby we didn't get to take home.  I liked that I wasn't the only one who was so hurt by our experience; that I wasn't the only one wanting a successful adoption; that my husband is truly my partner in this journey.


We received a couple of apologies and clearer information about what our expectations should be when we experience a match again.   We also received assurance that the Adoption Center is re-vamping their policies, using our and others' feedback.  


The assistant director helped us understand that our social worker's response to us in our grief was not a typical response from her, and she apologized for that.  A couple of times.  She also offered us a hug "even though it's a month late."  


HOLY EMOTIONAL DAY!!  We are both exhausted.  But my eyebrow ain't twitchin' anymore!  ;-)


Now we wait to be matched with another birth mom.


And we continue to pray.